MARRIAGES ARE NOT WHAT THEY USED TO BE
I think that marriage can be beautiful even as a young lady; however, it should be founded on
equality, friendship and truth.
Since it is written in Mark 10:9, “What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.
By Philip Janet Kavutha
Have you ever wondered why so many people are now opting out of unhappy marriages rather
than remaining “for better or for worse”? I have and the more I consider that, the more I notice
that marriage is not dying; it is just evolving. No more endurance, no more silence, and no more
suffering. It is love, equality, and peace of mind.
Marriage was once considered as a lifetime responsibility particularly to women. They were
supposed to accept betrayal and pain quietly because they thought that retreating was disgraceful.
Mbithe Mbuvi who was married in 1975 referred to it as an unwritten rule according to which a
woman was obliged to yield, to admire, and to assimilate any form of offense or deceit. Her
mother had told her, that things will fall, but she will not have to break also. Those words show
how females were taught to be tough by being oppressed yet toughness need not be muteness.
We are reminded of this in the Bible, in Ephesians 5:25 that, “Husbands, love your wives, even
as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up on her behalf.” Love was not supposed to hurt,
as God intended. Marriage is meant to be a home of love, sacrifice and happiness does not anguish
and suffering.
There have been too many broken families behind the smiles in our generation. We have seen
how mothers have to bear the burden of a whole household and how fathers are under the
pressure of being the man. This has enlightened us to a new reality that marriage is a partnership
and not a performance.
My close friend Faith, once told me, “My mother was a homemaker, she would cook, clean, care
and pray, but at the same time, she was never nurtured. I would wonder why she never left.” In
the mind of most women of that time, there was no possibility of leaving since they were
financially dependent or culturally and religiously restrained. But times have changed. Women
are not as ignorant as they are independent and they know that peace is better than reputation.
Men too are learning to love differently. My friend Alex once admitted, “We grew up thinking
being a man means carrying every burden alone. But now I’m learning that real strength means
being open and sharing responsibilities.” Marriage was not intended as a one-sided affair. Love
flourishes when there is a hand in hand walk of the couple as opposed to dragging one another.
Others claim that marriage in the current times is weaker due to the prevalence of divorce. I see
it differently. Marriages of this day are founded on truth and not fear. Human beings are not
remaining due to cultural pressure anymore they are remaining because they want to. That
renders the love more complete and real.
I think that marriage can be beautiful even as a young lady; however, it should be founded on
equality, friendship and truth. Marriage is beautiful, but, according to Anita, a woman who is
going to be married, marriage is only beautiful when it is founded on the truth, friendship, and
equality. I think that is the meaning of love.
Maya Angelou once wrote, “Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, and
penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.” It is this type of love that is being
pursued by modern couples, and it is not perfection but a partner.
Marriage is beautiful, but it should be relaxing, not torturing; it should be togetherness, and not
subjugation. Love is never supposed to be endurance, but growth, kind-heartedness and delight.
Ultimately, it is my view that marriage is no longer about survival but rather a matter of choice
nowadays. It is not a case of one person walking behind the other. It is respect to each other, free
dialogue and common development. Above all the thing is about love that glorifies God, yourself
and your partner. Since it is written in Mark 10:9, “What therefore God has joined together, let
no man separates.”
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